CeeCee also has her own vocabulary. The only difference with hers is that she twists usual words/sayings into her own annoying bits. And she doesn't just try the phrases out once, trying to be funny and then move on to something else. No, the woman uses the same stupid phrase over and over again, beating the dead horse that wasn't even funny to begin with.

During the normal lunch shift at The Club, the members have 3 courses: soup/salad, main entree', and dessert. A lot of the desserts we have listed daily are the same, only a few key choices change. One of the mainstays is oranges, bananas and kiwi in one dish or, as we refer to it, an OBK. CeeCee, when ordering an OBK, always (and I mean ALWAYS) orders it as an 'Obi Kay Kenobi'. Ok, the first time may have received a few points for being kind of cute but after the 500th time, it gets very old. I really feel bad for the chef that has to prepare it.

Our tables in the dining room are topped with two separate linens and underneath is a felt. Instead of calling the felt what it is (a felt, and nothing more), she calls it 'the underwear'. "Here, I'll hold the underwear while you rearrange the top." "I'll fold the underwear." "I'll go get the underwear for this table." Every. Time.

One of the ladies I work with is from Poland. She only came to the US about 15 years ago and has since become an American citizen. She lives with her parents who only speak Polish so she still has a pretty thick accent. Being from Poland, she has some great jokes but sometimes has a hard time translating them. One that she was able to translate though, I honest to God wish that she hadn't. Not that it's a bad joke, it's actually really funny but CeeCee has since adopted the punchline and uses it every day. The Reader's Digest version of the joke is this: A man is a foreigner and takes an English class to improve his English. His teacher gives him an assignment to use the words 'yellow' and 'pink' in a sentence. The sentence ends up being "The telephone rang so I pinked it up and said 'Yellow!'" Cute, even funnier when a Polish woman tells it because she has the accent to help it along. CeeCee does not. When picking up any tables' order, instead of saying 'Picking up two beefs' she says 'Pinking up two beefs'. Really? Yes.

There's a need for Procreation Licenses

Watching Good Morning America this morning, they mentioned a little blip of a story that reminded me of another idiotic conversation I had with ReeRee around Christmas time. Here's a little back story.

One of the members of The Club is the great grandson (or great great, not reallY sure anymore) of the first du Ponts to come to America. The house that he and his wife currently live in was built by his father in 1923 when this said member was 3 years old. His father had it built so that every year on his birthday, the light from the setting sun would illuminate the massive hallway that stretches from one end of the mansion to the other.

Every year, The Club caters a family Christmas dinner at the mansion. While we were setting up, I retold the story to ReeRee. When I got to the part where I told her that it only happens on his birthday, ReeRee gazed at me with that utterly confused look in her eyes and said "doesn't the sun set the same every day of the year? East to west?"

I thought her head was going to explode as I told her about the earth shifting on the axis, which gives us our change of seasons, throughout the year.

She's a maaaniac, maaaaaniac (bad 80's song reference...)

I've lost a good portion of my material for this blog due to ReeRee's absence... but not all of it. Remember, I still work with at least 2 geriatrics who should have retired 20 years ago that believe that they can still do things that a 30 year old can do.

Case in point: tonight we're working a party that involves a lot of walking with a lot of stairs. Quite a few years ago LaLa injured her foot at a party that she was working. She even required surgery on it afterwards. It's never healed correctly and most days, she can barely walk during a normal shift at The Club. CeeCee, on the other hand, is a walking nightmare. For one thing, I've never known anyone to sweat as much as this woman does. I'm not exaggerating in the least, the woman sweats like 4 400lb men in a sauna. And that's on a relatively nice day (i.e. 75*). For another thing, CeeCee has smoked off and on for atleast 30 years. Because of this, she has chronic bronchitis. This chronic bronchitis causes her to hack up half of a lung in a 2 hour period. It's really appetizing to be served food by someone that could have left some lung butter on your plate...

B Man has been trying to weed these two out of working parties outside of the normal shift and has gotten an earful from both of them for it. Just yesterday B Man told LaLa that she would not be working the party tonight. Oh the daggers that were being thrown from LaLa's corneas. LaLa's first reaction, of course, is to challenge the B Man's decision and vehemently deny that she is unable to work such a party. A 10 minute argument takes place which ends in LaLa fuming. B Man has gotten his point across and LaLa still does not see it or understand it. Next she moves on to berrating the staff. -Well, if she's not working and CeeCee's not working than surely the New Girl who took ReeRee's place (who, mind you, is a timid 22 year old. She's a sweet girl and doesn't understand to the full extent how catty these two women can be yet.) is working and how could the B Man possibly put her on to work over them and it's an outrage and oh, of course the B Man is screwing them out of a paycheck again!- What LaLa and CeeCee don't realize is this: neither one can hear very well any longer, therefore they think that no one else can hear when they're "whispering" about someone else who is standing in the room with them. Whether New Girl overheard them I can't say for sure but I definitely heard them and, quite frankly, I'm sick of them shitting on people because they can't see their own incapabilities right in front of their eyes. I mentioned to the B Man what was being said and LaLa was taken aside to be told (again) exactly why she wasn't working tonight. She was also told that New Girl wasn't working in her place and to calm down.

What the B Man didn't tell her is that the only reason New Girl isn't working is because she doesn't have a babysitter for her son and that a part timer most definitely is working in her place. I really am kinda hoping that somehow she finds out...

Out with a bang

ReeRee may not be an employee at The Club anymore but she definitely didn't leave quietly. Like I said before, she gave her 2 weeks notice a few weeks back. Her last day was to be May 1. Or May 2. Or something like that. I just knew that she was leaving and it couldn't come fast enough. The Wednesday before her last day, she worked a party with the B man and myself. It was a small party, a dinner for 18 people. Simple enough. Yeah, the B man shot himself in the foot with this one...

Throughout cocktails, ReeRee did everything she possibly could wrong... And then some. I'm not sure if she was doing it on purpose or if she really is just that stupid. From her reactions to B man telling her when she was wrong, I'm thinking she's just that dumb. After the party while we were getting ready to leave ReeRee pulled the B man aside. I was getting in to my truck at this point and didn't hear what was said outside of the B man saying "it goes both ways, ReeRee. It goes both ways." and then rolling his eyes at me. The next morning I found out that she wasn't coming back and, according to what she said to the B man, that she was "tired of the abuse".

I only have one thing to say to that: you get what you give.

I lied, I have 2 things to say to that: good riddance.

Don't worry, the ReeRee story isn't over yet...

See no evil...

I think this one speaks for itself.

Hello!

Saying 'hello' to a far away friend!

Black Swan

LaLa and ReeRee doing their rendition of... well... I'm really not quite sure to be honest with you!

Definition: Promenade

Prom-e-nade: a. A leisurely walk, especially one taken in a public place as a social activity. b. A public place for such walking.

Welcome to ReeRee's ever expanding vocabulary. Standing in the dining room this afternoon, waiting for the doors to open, ReeRee was having a conversation with CeeCee about a town in Maryland. Raving about it, she said that it was such a gorgeous town. There were boats everywhere and even a pommerod. Wait, a what?

CeeCee stopped her and said 'You mean a promenade?'.

'Huh? Oh... is that that thing you walk on? Then yeah, that's what I mean.'

Why does she even try to speak eloquently? It does not work well for her! Yet she won't stop! I understand that I am not the most well-versed person... so I don't try to be! I speak within my limits and don't make an ass out of myself because I think that I'll look smarter in the process. My theory is this: if you want to use those big words, get an effing dictionary and make sure that you're pronouncing them the way that they should be pronounced before you try to use them in a conversation! Also, and this is key, make sure you know what those words mean. For the sake of everyone's sanity around you, make sure that you know what that large ass word (or even, in her case, some very simple words) means.

It's ok though. There is a God and he is shining his wonderful light on The Club. On Friday, ReeRee gave her two weeks notice! Hot damn! B Man was toying with the idea of letting her know that her notice was going to be effective immediately. Then he was toying with the idea of paying her for two weeks to not come back. Then he decided that that is exactly what she would be hoping for and that he would do neither of those two things and she would remain until May 1st. As much as I would love (and I do mean LOVE) to see her gone ASAP, I agree with him 100%. He told me that the only reason she is still an employee of The Club and was not fired years ago is because he would not give her the satisfaction of firing her and giving her the ability to collect unemployment.

There are days when I adore that man!

Talladega Nights

Sweet baby Jesus! ReeRee found a buyer for her house! I cannot tell you how excited I was to hear her saying that she needs to find a job down at the beach (where her trailer that she's moving in to when she sells her house is, which is much too far away for a commute to this city) asap. My elation was short lived. I then learned that all she's waiting for now is for the buyer to sell their current house. Damn, this could take awhile. ReeRee has been trying to sell her house for over a year and some poor sap has finally agreed to her astronomical asking price. With the housing market the way that it is right now, it could be another year before her miserable ass is out of The Club's door for good. And everyone but CeeCee is counting down the days.

I mentioned before that there was an incident of maturity on her part a few months ago that caused her to de-friend me on Facebook. Going back to that, here's the whole story for your reading enjoyment.

There was a small party in an upstairs dining room. During cocktails, ReeRee, in a tizzy, came into the kitchen to tell Just Jack, the bartender, that someone needed another drink. Just Jack asked who the person was so he would know what to make. What followed from ReeRee's mouth was a combination of words and gibberish that sounded something like a description of a female. Just Jack gave her a blank stare. ReeRee started to get agitated and repeated over and over "you know who I'm talking about. Just make her drink." and then stormed off to serve food. If it were Just Jack and I, we would have laughed it off and continued on with the night. In a stroke of bad luck for ReeRee, Mr. P was also standing there. He turned to us and said "is she always that rude?" Without skipping a beat, we both exclaimed "yup!" the following day she was taken off of working nights for atleast 6 weeks. And I was de-friended. I'm not losing sleep over it.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

ReeRee is at it again! For some reason, telling this woman that she makes horrible lemonade is grounds for immediate dismissal from her ever revolving mental Rolodex. A few weeks back, DeeDee observed ReeRee making lemonade for the dining room that she thought would be too sour. So DeeDee spoke up and said that she would suggest putting a little less lemon juice in. Well, you would have thought that she suggest ReeRee donate her first born to science! Since that day, ReeRee has not spoken to DeeDee unless she absolutely needed to. (Prior to The Lemonade Incident, as I've come to call it, ReeRee and DeeDee were becoming inseparable. Much to my dismay, but that's to be saved for another post.) ReeRee has now made it her personal vendetta to be as rude to DeeDee as possible. All because of some lemonade. Yeah, she has her priorities in order...

Fast forward to Friday, April Fool's Day. The employees at The Club love practical jokes. For the 7 yrs that I've worked here, many many jokes have been played and everyone knows they're coming and appreciates them. Except ReeRee because she's miserable.

LaLa had a great idea. Tell ReeRee that DeeDee bumped her for a party on Saturday and DeeDee will be working in ReeRee's place. I advised LaLa against it. That's like standing in a lion's den with a dead antelope strapped to you. You're going to get attacked. She agreed with me and thought of another joke to play on her. That was the last that I had heard of it until Saturday morning. Whether it was LaLa or someone else, ReeRee was told that DeeDee was working and not her. I started joking around with the B Man (my immediate boss) and had mentioned what LaLa thought was such a great idea the previous day. B Man proceeded to tell me that someone had, in fact, told ReeRee this which had resulted in her tracking down the B Man demanding to know why she 'has to fight for her paycheck around here.' B Man asked her what the hell she was talking about and she relayed the message about DeeDee. B Man gave her a blank stare for a few seconds and then replied with 'DeeDee isn't working tomorrow. And neither are you.'

Now in any normal situation in any normal world, the accuser would immediately retract their statement and apologize. You've never met ReeRee. She simply looked at B Man, turned to walk away and mumbled something along the lines of 'it must be an April Fool's joke.' Ya think?!

P.S. According to the ReeRee Dictionary, assinuate is a word meaning to 'introduce or insert oneself in a subtle manner.'

P.P.S. This is not ReeRee's first run in with someone who has hated on her lemonade. A few months back Mr. P (head honcho) asked who made the lemonade that day. When she fessed up, he told her that she needs to try it again because if he were at an establishment that served lemonade like that he'd send it back and order something else. She doesn't like Mr. P either...

Don't leave your teeth on the edge of the sink

As I've said before, the majority of the women I work with are older and, quite frankly, should retire (as I am typing this, one just announced that she forgot to put her teeth in. I can't make this stuff up.). Lala is well over 70 and lives alone with her two cats. She has 1 daughter, who is married to the head chef at The Club. They have 1 daughter who is 11. This morning, Lala was retelling a conversation that she had with her granddaughter a few days ago. She apparently is sick so Lala told her that she needs to get better soon so that she can take her on the St. Patrick's Day loop, a bar crawl around the city. At this point, she turns to me and says "well, she can't drink yet." Really Lala? Your 11 year old granddaughter can't drink yet? You don't say...

Today she got mad at me because I was doing my job. I was doing my job and she was doing my job as well, so I told her to stop. She didn't like that idea very much.

I'm thinking of taking a couple days off before the busy season starts so that I don't rip her head off and shove it down her throat at some point before July 1st.

I'm miscombobulated!

One thing that ReeRee struggles with on a daily basis is forming a coherent sentence. Half of her conversations consist of her bumbling over large words that she thinks she knows and should use to make herself seem more intelligent. What she doesn't realize is that she makes herself look extremely uneducated.

"I'm really out of it today. I'm so miscombobulated! I think I need a nap." Oh honey, you need more than a nap! If I didn't fear that karma would come back to bite me in the ass big time, I'd compile a dictionary of ReeRee-isms. Also, she's extremely sensitive so she'd undoubtedly hate me for life and make work utterly miserable. Case in point: she de-friended me on Facebook because she messed up in front of our boss, he called her out on it and I happened to be in the room at the time. For whatever reason, she got pissed at me like I had ratted her out...

Don't misunderstand these complaints though. I'm not without my faults, by any means. I'm the butt of a running joke around The Club. We also cater outside of the building which takes us all over the region. One such outside party was taking place not even 10 miles from where I live. Since I live about 30 miles from The Club, my boss thought it would be a nice gesture to give me that party to work instead of driving all the way in to town. The day of the party, I completely forgot where I was supposed to be and ended up at The Club. I then had to drive 20 miles back in the direction I had just come to get to the party.

Don't ask me for directions. I'll just get you lost.

ReeRee

Oh ReeRee, where do I even begin? ReeRee is the bane of my existence. She is the main reason for this blog. She provides me with enough material on a day to day basis to fill up 10 blogs. She... is a moron. And is insane. And claims to be a person of God. Which god she is referring to, at times, I'm really not quite sure.

A year ago ReeRee was certain that God was going to sell her house for her. Not the realtors that she has hired to sell her house for her, but God. Hm... I wonder why her house is still on the market?

A few months ago, the north western hemisphere was in for a treat, there was going to be a full lunar eclipse. To make it especially rare, it coincided with the winter solstice for the first time in hundreds of years. A few days before, the staff was talking about it while we were waiting for our lunch (benefit of working at a restaurant). Some people were referring to it as the lunar eclipse, others were saying that it was an eclipse that coincided with the winter solstice. Before we knew it, lunch was up and the crowd dispersed. ReeRee, God bless her, turns to me with the utmost seriousness and says "I thought it was the winter solace moon". Oh dear... I wanted to see where this was going so I let the slip up go. "Yeah, it is. " was my reply. "So why did Mr. P call it the lunar moon?"

This is what I deal with.

The Start of Something Not So Great

The work I do is a dying art. The world of formal dining can be daunting to some. I'm not a waitress, I'm a server. My job involves a list of members of The Club* that use the establishment for everything under the sun, including weekly mass. I deal with disgusting pigs who feel they are entitled due to their bloodlines and/or how much money they have. I also deal with people who genuinely care about myself and my co-workers. All of this is on the surface and can be observed by anyone who walks through the door.

What isn't seen is the craziness that goes on behind the scenes. The majority of my co-workers are female, three quarters of which are over 50. One would think that when dealing with older women that cattiness wouldn't exist and wisdom would emanate through the halls... You would be wrong. The following posts contain the blabberings, blubberings and down right stupid things that transpire each day. Be forewarned, this blog quite possibly will lower your I.Q.